Crap

No other way to put it. Huge gain this week. Icing on the crappy week cake. Four and one half pounds. Stress level and bad choices run hand in hand for me and this has been a week to end all weeks. Stress at work is status quo, but add to that unforeseen Hell on the homefront, and everything went down from there. Anyone who knows me, knows my son has come first in my life for all of 16 years. This week I felt betrayal like I've not known for years, since the ex got caught grazing in greener pastures. My son's attitude has been on a steady decline of late, most of which we attribute to being 16, but this week there were words and actions that still today are too painful to recount. They came as a slap in the face. Now everything I believed in firmly is on thin ice. Ex is using the situation to poke old wounds with a stick. My own husband has been sick for several days and hasn't had the energy to stand in battle with me. I'm tired, I'm grouchy, I'm anxious, and hurt. I went one night without sleep when everything came to a head. Cried for hours questioning where I had gone wrong. Went to work the following day looking like road kill. My son is going to Homecoming tonight, wearing the first suit he's ever owned. I'm not privvy to the festivities, and won't see him in his suit. That's the way he wants it. It hurts more than words can say. He has a date, but presumably they're going as friends. I know of her. I had to hear all the details from co-workers who had heard through friends of friends, who only made mention on the assumption I already knew. I don't like hearing about my son's life through third parties. I like his rationale for it even less. So now, I think more out of humiliation for having been found out, he's running to his Dad to avoid us. He's avoiding everything about us. My ex is in his glory and taking opportunity to score points with my son...buy him, if you will. Meanwhile, son is accomplishing his goal of navigating around his responsibilities around this household and the expectations we have of him as a member of this family...simple things like cleaning his room, changing his sheets, etc. It's been a week full of hurt and healing, though still more hurt than healing at this point. I'm sad and disappointed, but today's scale reading took me back to a place I swore I'd never go, so there's nothing to do but focus on the things I can control and hope for the best where all else is concerned.