Totally Baffled

I couldn't help myself. After yesterday's surprise loss I had to step on the scale this morning to see if my eyes had deceived me. I'm down another 1/2 pound! Scales haven't really moved much in the weeks I've been back to work. I've written about that and recorded my ponderings. I knew I was inching back to where I needed to be as far as accountability, but I didn't think I was there yet. So was my "there", the place I thought I needed to be, just a little off plumb? Maybe this, my here and now, is it. I'm at a loss for words. I picture myself doing a tightrope walk on fishing line. That's how precarious my consumptions have been. Can I continue to live this way? I mean, is it really that simple? I have not eaten anything I did not carefully consider first. I haven't grazed. I've stopped eating before feeling FULL, so I've learned at what point satisfaction comes without needing to be FULL. Have I learned my lesson, cut and dry, in the previous weeks of seeing what a reasonable portion looks like, knowing I can eat from smaller plates and bowls and still be full? Is that all it took? I know after I weighed this morning, I felt very noble taking my cute, ubber small pottery bowl that matches my niece's from the cabinet, and though it was nearly 11:00am before I was having my first morsel of food, I was firm in my decision to have the little bowl of Fruit and Yogurt Special K and a splash of skim milk. Have a found Mecca? The place where I personally can live and breathe and not weigh every morsel, pare down a pork chop to give me no more and no less than 3 exact ounces; a place where it's ok if "28 grams" is in reality 24 or 32? Or is it all because I've been sick? My husband thinks a body burns more calories fighting infection. I'm still not well. My sinuses are goopey and there's still some chest congestion, but overall I'm ok. I haven't pushed water for over a week. I'm not dehydrated. My beverage of choice has been hot decaf tea with Splenda. Water here and there without measure. Wine, for sure. Coffee, but I've come to a place where I can no longer graze a full pot all day; 2 mugs is my max, and I never ever consume it at work anymore. I'll brew a mug of morning tea there, and otherwise sip water throughout the day from the same mug, maybe one or 2 mugs worth. I just don't know. Yesterday's breakfast was a skinny slab of polenta, a scrambled agg, and 1.5 strips of thick cut bacon. Lunch was left over Lo Mein from the night before; what I didn't eat for supper. Supper last night was "a pork chop" and a side of roasted red potatoes and green bean steamers. Snack had been Spinach dip and chips.