On the Fence

Yesterday and today have been challenging. I haven't blown it, but somewhere within each day I've had caloric challenges where I didn't prepare the food and have no idea what it's worth and eat it anyway. My son's birthday was yesterday, but he had band practice last night from 6-8 so that threw out any plans to celebrate as a family. Still, I'm the Mom and I want his day to be special in some way even though he suggested we could just do something tonight instead. I decided to take him to Macados after work, but before band, just the 2 of us. In fact, we were together at 5:25, the very minute he came into this world 16 years ago. It means more to me than it does him, but anyway, it was special. I prepared myself to order an appetizer to eat while he ate his sandwich; I knew I still had to come home and have dinner! All the appetizers were bad choices. I was a little interested in the nachoes, but it said on the menu it serves 2. I asked them to make me a half order, and they wouldn't, insisting they were so good I'd want the whole thing if that's all I was ordering. Clearly they are not on the same journey as me. I went to the salad section and settled on the salad with the longest list of veggies. Long story short, they brought me a platter of salad piled all the higher because of the mound of cheeses and bacon, 2 side bowls of dressing, and 3 pieces of french bread with melted cheese on top. I forked my dressing and left a slice of bread, but otherwise ate what was in front of me. I had the best intentions...so I came home and didn't eat supper afterall in hopes there'd be some balance. I was dog tired and went to bed at my usual time. Husband came much later, near midnight, and the stampede of 2 cats and 2 dogs awoke me from a very sound sleep, to which I never returned. I saw the clock every hour of the night at least once and finally got up before the 5am alarm...madder than a wet cat.
It took every ounce of my being to be everything my students needed today. I'm tired. My head spins with good ideas, but time runs out, I pack my bags and come home. My son had Ultimate Frisbee pratice tonight til 4. We ran by our favorite sushi place and ordered 4 assorted rolls and got 2 free CA rolls; brought those home for his birthday meal of choice, as is the tradition. I figured it was a pretty healthy choice, and I had over 500 calories left to spend with breakfast and lunch being well planned. So 6 rolls total, I put 2 slices of each roll on my plate and that was dinner. No idea whatsoever what the calories would be, but you know, my son turning 16 is cause for celebration, and for all the ways it could have gone, I'm celebrating the fact that he is not obese, he's physically fit and active, and he asked for raw fish for his birthday meal. He didn't even want a cake, but got a batch of cupcakes my husband made for him. In 2 weeks, I'm willing to bet there will be cupcakes left. Something about the same mix and the same frosting in cake form makes one (ME) inclined to have a slab. I can co-habitate with cupcakes and not pay them much attention. I'll have one later tonight because it is what it is, and I'll have some half fat ice cream. Am I focused? No. Have I given up? No. I'm living the week I dreaded most and doing the best I can with the added demands, degree of tiredness, sore legs and feet from standing all day, and eating lunch in 10 minutes or less while I multi-task at things I would otherwise forget about until it was too late. My new schedule DOES however make it possible for me to not bring work home. My energy level with the kids is far higher. So far, day 3, and my class is a room of happy children whom I can make laugh, and so far I have entertained them to the extent that I've not had to call for reinforcements or refer for disciplinary action. Did I mention how freakin' tired I am at the end of the day?!? I hope my luck continues. One of my co-workers mentioned my weight loss today!!!! Yay!! It made me feel bashful because I had abandoned hope that it was noticeable. She said she could tell in my neck and chin area. When I dressed this morning and did makeup, I could see it too, but I fear I look like a deflated lawn ornament, where the fan isn't blowing real hard. I think it takes forever to lose belly, hips, and bum. I'll keep on doing what I'm doing, no doubt, but it's time for me to gird up my loins and give it 100% again. This is the week I knew would tax me; it's really testing me, but I'm ok. I didn't get my water in yesterday, but I drank more today. I'm well aware of where I fall short, and am looking forward to a weekend to reconnect with myself. Oh, and did I mention I've been eating bad pork all week? My taco meat, the ground pork I started it with, was apparently nearing its prime. It took me 2 days to decide the 8 pre-measured and frozen containers of prepared lunches would have to go, so today was a Lean Cuisine Spaghetti. I need to rethink all this this weekend and get away from so much sodium...maybe I'll bake a turkey breast. Time to re-vamp my plan of attack since I know the impact going back to work has on my level of dedication.