What day is today?

I'm in a fog. I don't know what it is. I've left the house 3 different times, each time telling myself I needed to take the 30 gallon can of recycling with me, and the 30 gallon can of clothes for Goodwill. Each time I left without it and thought of it 10 miles away. Same thing with things I need to take to the town where band camp is...I get to band camp and realize I left stuff at home. I thought today was Wednesday. I called to make a hair appointment and assured her tomorrow was "out"...that I've been asked by the boss to come in and orient a new employee from 1-3:30...only that's Thursday, which would be tomorrow if today was indeed Wednesday! Tomorrow, Wednesday, I need to taxi my son and 3 of his friends from one town to another so they can all go swimming, then go back later, pick them all up, and return them to their homes in the town we started out in. So technically, it's out too, but not really between 9 and 5. That's a lot to remember in my current state of mind; regardless, hair is on hold until Friday.

I went back to the eye Dr this morning for a follow up exam. He says my eyes are about 75-80% better, but I need 3-4 more days on the Rx drops, then immediately switch to OTC drops, probably forever. Moisturizing drops morning and bedtime on top of that. He wants to see me again next Friday after I've been on the OTC several days. I think that's why I also have a tremendous headache today. That, and it's very bright out today.

I didn't sleep well last night either. I was up 3 times, but can't remember what the 3rd time was for. Had weird dreams when I did sleep. The cat flipped the lid off Pathagoras' container sometime during the night and I awoke when the lid hit the kitchen floor. I came running to do a rescue, but the noise scared the cat and the fish was fine. He now lives in the spare bedroom behind a closed door until he goes to school. Another time, one of the dogs was walking around the bedroom trying to get sick, so I whisked him out the deck door. I would think I would have gone to the bathroom one of those times if need be, but maybe that was my 3rd time up. And though I didn't get up, I woke up another time when I heard the garage door leading into the kitchen close; husband went out to the garage fridge for a bottle of water. I was tuning my ears to the door closing, thinking it was my son, only to be startled by a dark figure re-entering the bedroom. So, it was a restless night. My son's dad is picking him up from band camp at 5 today, so no need for me to make that run again today. I should really go to the drawing table while I have the chance, but the urge to just read or watch a movie is greater. I should go work out, but I'm just not feeling it today.

Weight is creeping down, so me and food are on good terms. Get this...my husband put a combination lock on the scales! I have Dr's scales, and he put the lock on the balance this morning so there's no way to weigh! It made me mad when I saw it, and I haven't reacted to him yet. I know he means well since I DID say I wanted Saturday to be my weigh day. It's just a habit I have, and it seems harmless when compared to the other habits I'm altering. I like to weigh every morning before I eat, shower, etc. It makes it seem a more honest, accurate weight if it's just me, no added weight, at the same time every day. I like to see if what I may have eaten the night before has a bad effect on the scale...like the seasoned turkey burgers we had last night with mustard and pickles...did the sodium do a number on me? I lost 1/2 lb. I'm not writing any weight down until Saturday, but I like to see what does and does not cause it to fluctuate. So yep, it made me mad to see him take that away from me. Whether he knew it or not, the lock didn't lock and I was able to remove it (and hide it), so he may have just done it to provoke a response or make a point. It's not his battle. He's not the one doing the work and thinking about it 24/7, and if I need to see immediate results then sobeit. He even admitted the other night, he's not stepped on the scales since before vacation. He KNOWS, and admits, that if I was as good as I was and still gained 3 pounds, then he did worse. He doesn't want to know the numbers. For him it's good enough that he's resumed much of his healthy routine. I do find that I'm a food snob since I've been good now for nearly a month straight without any waivering. Last night he came home and I was preparing supper; it was 20 minutes from being done, but he got in the fridge and pulled out salsa to snack on that and tortilla chips...and he got a beer. This was immmediately following his workout at the gym, too! That's just wrong, at least to me. In 20 minutes, a good meal was going to be in front of him, and I think it's ok to feel hungry once in a while. In fact, I feel quite noble when I can truly identify hunger as it's time to sit down to a meal. That means I estimated my last meal correctly. I make my husband's lunch every day and send it to work with him, so I know what he's eating, and I know how much of what he gets. He gets more on a day he's planning to go to the gym too. It truly is my own personal battle to fight, and my own demons,and it's times like that and this morning with the lock that make me feel most lonely. It's hard when I see other people doing in front of me the thing I am most trying to cntrol for myself.

As mentioned, I have pulled 30 gallons worth of clothes from my closet to send to Goodwill. That's just the first of what will be, but it's a chore I've put off forever. My closet is overly full, and as I approach my 5th anniversary and 5 years in this house, I realize there are clothes in there I have not worn once in that time. Some(most)because they don't fit. Some I'm just tired of. Some I look at and they make me feel bad because of the time in my life they were from. My divorce was 10 years ago, and I still have clothes from before that, and some that have not been worn in those 10 years. I tackled about a 2 foot wide section yesterday; maybe just 18 inches. I tried everything on as I went. Most went in a pile that I'll move to the spare room for another 25-30 pound sort, just to get them out of my face and make room for the things I love to wear now. Another pile went on the floor to be laundered or dry cleaned; things I was surprised to find fit now with my almost 25 pounds off this year. There's a definite mustiness or mildew thing going on, which could explain my fog today. I stirred up some allergens, no doubt. The last 3 feet of that side of my closet is stuff I DO wear now, but even some of that was randomly plucked and canned while I had the kahoonahs to do it. I decided I may wear more dresses this year, especially while I can still get by wearing my Tone-Up sandals. My dresses are all long, but they looked more flattering and slimming yesterday, some of them, as I tried them on. I still have the short end of the closet to tackle where all my pants and skirts are, but I had my fill of that activity yesterday. It'll be something good to get in to while husband is in Japan. It was a major event that I even embarked upon it at all. It was on my list of things to do this summer, but losing 30 pounds was higher up on the list and I thought I'd be doing this to rid myself of the clothes forever and replace them with all new, smaller clothes. Instead, it was a "love it", "don't love it no more", "tired of looking at it" sort of the same ol' stuff I've looked at for a decade. Some things I just had to talk myself through, like, "Say you lose 40 pounds, do you really think you'll want to wear this even then?" I'll get there.