Ok, well, don't get excited....nothing to report. Had to take one for Team Girl this week. Up 3/4 of a pound; totally beyond my control. I'm ok with that. This too shall pass. I know I was right on the food this week and all the water was had...it's just one of those things.
It's been a busy week with work days. Lots of late nights, dinner at 10pm, and sunrise too early. Students come back Monday. I've had many meet and greets this week, gave and received a lot of hugs. Many of my students who have moved on to higher grades returned to see me. I can be dog tired and overwhelmed with my to-do list, but it's always a very validating experience to see that they WANT to come back, they WANT to see their old room, their old teacher, they want me to see them, see how they've grown, hear what they've accomplished. It's not going to be an easy year. They're never easy, but those initial relationships are hard to navigate. I see a lot of resistance in the new faces. More than usual. A lot of fear, anger, hostility...these are all pretty foreign to me and my person, to it's a big sidebar for me to deal with. It's hard work. I can't just be me and have that be enough; I have to be what they need me to be, but they have to LET me first. That could take minutes, hours, days, or weeks. Some of those faces look at me and say "never".
I haven't had much appetite this week except for the one night I wanted to gnaw the leg off the table. Normally, at least for the past 5 weeks, I get a very distinct "taste" for something at each meal and immediately know in my head what I'll have or create. It really un-nerves me when the picture is blank. I did the taco meat and black beans for a while and will ready some this weekend to pop in the freezer....makes for a yummy hot lunch in less than 2 minutes. My last "taste" was for Lean Cuisine Spaghetti with Mushrooms and Meat Sauce. When I want spaghetti, that's the taste I crave...not Ragu. Imagine my delight when I foraged through the freezer and found a stray LC from "diets" past, flipped it over, and saw it was my dream come true. I must pick up some more to have on hand for mornings like that one when I didn't pack my lunch the night before. That was was my late night when I came home, deflated, and flipped my switch to "off", having been "on" for over 12 hours at that point.
Today I'll go get my nails done. That's 2 hours of ME time. Manicure and pedicure. My bright blue nails were a big hit this week, both with the students who came through and my co-workers. I'm not just imagining this. I got so many compliments. My nails are long now, a really nice, pretty length. My nail people just add a layer of gel to strengthen them, but they're otherwise all mine, no fake tips or anything. I'm either going with a really pretty, sparkly dark green, or I may go solid black. It gives me, at least mentally, a slight advantage over what I have to face next week. Let the kids wonder about me and be curious. For some, we might connect all because of a nail color. It sounds silly, but it happened THIS week. A Grandma brought her granddaughter to register, transfering from another system. I saw the girl take in my nails and jewelry as we filled out paper work. She opened up and asked if she could touch my nails, she showed her sister my ring, added that she liked my hair. Eventually, before she left, she threw her arms around me and hugged me; she was taller than me, we're not talking little children! When she exited the hug, she was smiling big and said I smelled good. This was in the 11th hour of my 12 hour day. Grandma was beaming and proclaiming how much she herself loved this school already and how happy they'd be. The girl was saying how much she couldn't wait til Monday. In my room I have a sign up. "As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person." Sometimes it's me changing the world of a student. Sometimes it's the student changing my world.
No comments:
Post a Comment